Credit: ACS Teens
The ‘A’ in LGBTQIA2S+ stands for Asexual and Aromantic, although many who identify as asexual or aromantic do not feel welcomed into the community.
In a community advocating for same-sex, there is a daunting lack of support and discrimination against asexual identifying people due to their varying levels of sexual attraction. A lot of discomfort for asexual people and lack of feeling welcomed into the LGBTQIA2S+ community is due to the fixation on sex culture.
Kristina Stanarevic is a young woman who identifies as demisexual, which is a part of the asexuality spectrum and personally feels a divide within the LGBTQIA2S+ community. “Not to be confused with not having a libido, I mean specifically not experiencing sexual attraction to another person, no matter their gender. For asexuality, this could be a person who is just not interested in sex at all, or does not mind sex but does not experience sexual attraction to the people they are with. People often get the wrong idea that being asexual means that you are just choosing not to have sex, that it is celibacy. It’s not, it’s genuinely a part of our biology.”
According to a Vancouver Coastal Health Research, studies found that approximately half of asexual individuals continue to have romantic attractions.
“I’m highly romantic. I get crushes easily, I want to hold hands and stuff like that. But, I realized especially during high school that I never resonated or understood people’s tendencies to sexualize celebrities, or be able to pick out ‘man, that person’s hot’. It was just something that just never made sense to me. To me, the way I would explain it is that everyone looks the same.” shares Stanarevic.
In reflecting on advertisements focusing on sex appeal such as the 2012 film Magic Mike, Stanarevic reflects that she felt as though there was something broken with her for not connecting with the advertisement the way other people in her life did. “You have these men taking off their shirts, and they’re sweating and all that and I just did not understand it. It made me confused like am I gay? But, then I don’t feel that way around women, so what am I? Is there something wrong with me? But at the same time, I am highly romantic. I want to go on dates, I want to be loved, I want to be kissed, I want to have romantic feelings. But, I never saw someone and felt that primal, or that biological need to be with someone. That never happened for me. For me, I am demisexual. I develop sexual attraction to people I have only developed a really strong emotional bond with, and this can take years.”
Credit: blog.asexual-aces.com
The lack of support in the LGBTQIA2S+ community has asexual people in a hard place for a community of acceptance.
“There are communities that do try to make sure that ace and aro, aro as aromantic people, which is on a flipside experience no romantic feelings or in the same case that it develops, are accepted. However, you kind of find yourself not being accepted by the community because you don’t experience something they experience, and they cannot fathom the idea of not having this experience. It’s this weird divide where we’ll have people who are open to understanding that this is an actual experience, and then we’ll have people who’ll reject it because they can’t understand the idea of someone else not having this experience. It’s the invisible group, we exist but people don’t know about us or we exist and people reject us. I thought the LGBTQIA2S+ group was supposed to be better than the community that discriminated and marginalized you.”
As lesbian and gay representation grows into the mainstream world, there are very little or misrepresentations to the spectrum of asexuality. Stanarevic explains while shows such as Netflix’s original series Bojack Horseman depicts a character who openly identifies as asexual, the complexities of asexuality have yet to be properly represented. “I would say a lot of people would not know about asexuality or aromanticism because it’s not popular. There’s only been one representation in popular media for asexuality which has been in Bojack Horseman through the character Todd Sanchez, but even that example is surface level. It’s the idea of ‘I don’t want sex at all’, which isn’t necessarily always the case”.
Stanarevic highlights it is important that every member and ally of the LGBTQIA2S+ community not only protects and cares for each other, but continues to educate others on the spectrum of sexuality and gender identity. Especially in cases concerning a divide within asexuality itself where some who identify as asexuals are aphobic to those who are not against or do fluctuate inability to experience attraction including demisexual or ace-flux, in which an asexual person can experience attraction under specific situations or circumstances.
“What’s important to be clear, is that distinction that asexuality is not a choice it is not me just choosing to not have sex or have sexual attraction to people, and that it is specifically sexual attraction and not at all related to one’s libido or sex drive.”
More information and explanation about the spectrum of asexuality can be found at asexuality.org
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