When Allison Preyde first heard about the “male loneliness epidemic”, she was optimistic that people were finally discussing how men are increasingly isolated and lacking in meaningful male friendships. She was sorely disappointed when she learned what “male loneliness” in this context, really meant.
Preyde is the Manager of Education and Prevention at the local women’s advocacy group, Anova. Her job focuses on preventing gender-based violence by providing workshops, training, and online resources for the community.
The term “male loneliness” is commonly is used in online spaces- usually referring to how men have been feeling intense isolation because they don’t receive the level of romantic validation they want from women.
The conversations about this, however, left the online space and materialized into action in London on Sept. 16.
In the north end of the city, police were notified about concerning graffiti with the words “kill women”, and separately, “women should be hung” spray painted on a bridge.
Netizens were quick to comment on how disturbing this was and how concerned they were that the hateful rhetoric was in their own backyard.
Instagram comments on a post showing the hateful graffiti. Names and profiles were redacted for user privacy (XFM News / Laura Carlit)
The incident sparked conversations on how men are being brought up, and how the spaces and communities they’re navigating are affecting them.
When asked about the incident, Preyde told XFM news that there are real concerns for young men:
Young people in general are still developing their critical thinking skills, and when we don’t have the resources and supports to help people sort of figure out what’s going on, what’s being said, what it means, what it leads to. I think it is really easy for young men to fall into this rabbit hole of extremism that leads to exactly the type of thing we saw graffitied last week, where there is so much anger and rage directed toward towards women, and this blaming of women for all of the problems and experiences that they’re having in their life. When you know, our analysis would say that it’s the patriarchy that is also hurting men.
They explain that the patriarchal system is difficult to unlearn when it’s so deeply ingrained into how young men are brought up, “We don’t teach them emotional literacy. So many young boys are still told that, you know, boys don’t cry, that they need to suck it up, that they need to be a man. And so, we’ve got these young men who don’t have access to their full spectrum of human emotions.”
On this episode of Almost 107, we’re diving deep into this alarming trend with young men, how they’re affected by the expectations that surround them, and the unfortunate places isolated men find community in.
https://almost-107.simplecast.com/episodes/men-under-fire
